I want to give a little holla to my sisters. Not only are they crazy, they are crazy good lookin, and they are crazy together, all on top of our crazy names.

And I love them. Too much.

The Ugliest Word I Know

Cancer.
know I am the millionth person to have my life fall to shreds with this word, but it doesn't make it any less real for me. We are in the process of waiting (and never in my life have I wanted to know, and not wanted to know so much) for answers. At this point I don't know what to do...Never have I ever had anyone close to me have the c word. I am totally lost, I even checked out a chat room for family of newly diagnosed cancer victims...it was mostly about depression, which made me sort of depressed. This is a SAD thing. And a very, very SCARY thing. I find myself unable to sleep, think, plan, or do anything really except for try my best to forget about it, or pretend it is happening to someone else. If it crosses my mind I find myself begging with God, "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please..." over and over and over again. I don't want this to happen to my Dad. MY DAD, the strongest guy I know, the guy who is supposed to walk me and my two others sisters down the aisle on our wedding days, the guy who is supposed to know his grandkids, the guy who is everything to Sofie and Mia, the guy that Bella barely knows, the man my mom is supposed to grow old with, the guy who has already lost two legs and a hand, who has gone through so much already...

Two Day

Can I just take a second to whine about what a mess spring time makes me?

Itchy eyes, closing throat, cough, nose congestion/drip in inconsistent intervals, being looked at funny for taking a puff of my inhaler in the middle of lecture...ah, I AM that girl.

Besides this mess, I am le tired! I know, I know, 'so go take a nap...and then fire ze missles!', but its a bit beyond that...and I have a midterm to study for... plus I can't stop listening to this song.

Also, today was a good day because I got offered a job at a bike shop because I am a girl and knew how to use an allen wrench (basically this is why) AND I went rollerblading, which is awesome, except my knees hurt and going down hill was a little rough because I don't really know how to stop and had to run into like 3 cars and then blade away fast when the alarms went off. Yeeeah.

BIG

Do you ever get overwhelmed with the beauty in the world?

Like this is all way to big and beautiful for me to possibly contain these feelings in my one being?

Like words and feelings are so small and can't ever capture any of that bigness?

I do too.

Look what I can do!

Okay, did y'all notice my new beautiful editing skillz?

It is AMAZING what you can do with this thing.

And it only took me two blogs to figure it out!

Iamseriouslyexcited.

just stalk walkin. no big.

Okay blog. I decided to give 'er a whirl for round dos.

So lately I have not had time to bloog (is that the verb of blog or just a made up word? Anyway.), but

I HAVE however had time to do the stalk walk.

Ever done it?

Didn't think so.

It is a serious good time.

Brace yourself.

I discovered it accidentally when I was walking around the UCSB grounds (aka 'campus', but everyone's mother (I know that a) this is a parenthesis inside a parenthesis and doesn't make any grammatical sense b) that 'everyone's mother' is the wrong saying, thanks for checking) says campus and I don't. Starting now.) and more times than not I would fall into step with someone that was walking next to me. (Whew. That was a run on...sentence.) These were the thoughts that went through my head (and probably yours too if you were there):

1. Oh God. This is awkward. Real, real awkward.

2. But wait...is it more awkward to quicken my pace considerably or slow down like I don't have an important class to get to 3 miles away in 4 minutes (oh yeah, UCSB grounds are HUGE)

3. What can I drop? My entire backpack? Just like slouch out of it all of a sudden?

4. Ok, I will just pretend to be really into joining CALPRIG all of a sudden. They have harassed me enough.

5. Don't give in to CALPRIG. You've lasted 3 years!

That's when I met her eyes (the girl that was my fateful walking partner) and saw that she was going through the same agony!

So what did I do?

Well, it was none of the above.

Instead, when she slowed down...I did too.

When she ripped a button off her sweater and threw it on the ground so that she could pick it up and shake me, well, I did too.

When she acted all nonchalant about breaking into a dead run:I did too. She shoulda known I love running on college grounds.

So to sum:

a. It is sorta fun to walk at the pace of another person when they obviously do not want you to

b. Just get over the awkwardness already, or add to it, like me.

c. I am a sort of a creeper. Certifiably.

d. I love bullet points.

e. (last one i promise) I really cannot avoid studying for finals anymore

Because Earl Had to Die.

So I love the Dixie Chicks. While listening to them I decided they were so inspiring that I should start a blog. Who else can write a song about poisoning someone with black eyed peas and make it so catchy? I know they are like sooo 7th grade, but 7th grade was good times for me...minus the fact that my mom was the cafeteria lady and I had a bladder control issue.
ANYWAY. My good bud Elyse also was inspired me (whats new) because she is pretty awesome, oh and the fact that I like to avoid homework like the plague. Sooo, back to Dixie Chicks, when I listen to them I actually wished I had a violin I could pick up and...strum (?).
Well.