The Ugliest Word I Know

Cancer.
know I am the millionth person to have my life fall to shreds with this word, but it doesn't make it any less real for me. We are in the process of waiting (and never in my life have I wanted to know, and not wanted to know so much) for answers. At this point I don't know what to do...Never have I ever had anyone close to me have the c word. I am totally lost, I even checked out a chat room for family of newly diagnosed cancer victims...it was mostly about depression, which made me sort of depressed. This is a SAD thing. And a very, very SCARY thing. I find myself unable to sleep, think, plan, or do anything really except for try my best to forget about it, or pretend it is happening to someone else. If it crosses my mind I find myself begging with God, "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please..." over and over and over again. I don't want this to happen to my Dad. MY DAD, the strongest guy I know, the guy who is supposed to walk me and my two others sisters down the aisle on our wedding days, the guy who is supposed to know his grandkids, the guy who is everything to Sofie and Mia, the guy that Bella barely knows, the man my mom is supposed to grow old with, the guy who has already lost two legs and a hand, who has gone through so much already...